Dear Diana

My Dear Diana

A preface, I wrote this note to a young Armenian woman who has tutored me a few times to help me learn their language.  We talked a bit about the current political situation in Armenia.  She knows of my union and political background and I felt compelled to discuss a couple of things with her and thought I would share it with you as well.

I have been thinking so much about our brief conversation a few days ago.  I have not been able to forget two parts of the unfinished conversation and have decided that I must some thoughts down in writing to organize them for, hopefully, a more extensive conversation in the near future.

First and foremost, I must commend you and your associates in your striving to be heard in peaceful demonstrations addressing the issues facing your beloved country of Armenia.  My current employment situation will not allow me the freedom to express my personal beliefs about the merits of your protestations insisting that I take no public position.  I am utilizing this moment to only address the methodology of your movement and not the substantive issues.  I hope you will understand.

The movement, for the most part, has been an admirable manifestation of the use of civil disobedience as described by Thoreau and implemented by Gandhi, Dr. King and many others.  Gandhi described his movement with the word satyagraha meaning forceful love.  It is not cowardice but incredible examples of bravery to face people who are driven by hatred, ignorance, prejudice, and self-preservation without responding in a like manner with anger and hatred.  Dr. King reminded us to love our enemies to turn their hearts.  Your movement has been called a velvet revolution because of its soft, smooth, and non-violent attributes.  I told you the other day of how I was so impressed by the methods utilized by the team barricading the road in to the airport.  Those folks welcomed the stranded passengers walking from the airport, pulling their suitcases.  At the barricades, they had taxis waiting for them.  But, even more of a testament to empowered love, they offered the passengers cake and bottled water to apologize for the inconveniences they had suffered and let the passengers know their grievances were not with them but the government that controlled the airport.  Most of those inconvenienced passengers stopped and shared cake.  It was a beautiful scene on the news.

Another incident in the protests is what has spurred me to transcribe my thoughts to you.  A few days before the airport incident, I saw some protesters holding a mock funeral for the leader whom they hoped would resign his position as prime minister.  The procession went through the streets carrying flowers, a framed picture of the prime minister and a pretend casket carried by a team of pall bearers.  They moved through the streets around Freedom Square ending in the Square itself. A eulogy I did not understand was delivered.  Then, what disturbed me most, the “pall bearers” dropped the pretend casket and began stomping it and its contents to pieces.  The media, which I am led to believe is controlled by the Republican Party of Armenia leadership to whom most of your grievances are addressed, showed the destructive behavior and, although I did not understand every word, I could tell from the tone and tenor of the reporting that they were reporting the incident in a very negative way.  Now, here was small group in a gathering of close to five hundred thousand peaceful protesters and the media was using them as an example of the scene in Freedom Square.  In our brief conversation, you mentioned a guide to civil disobedience and that a funeral procession was a recommended practice by the aforementioned guide.

Please allow me to share with you a few thoughts about why such an action can be detrimental to your or any other similar protest.

First, as I am from the southern part of the United States and a history teacher, I would like to share an incident that is analogous to your protest.  As a coach and a fan of high school level athletic competition, I have always appreciated spectators in the stands cheering for the school’s team they are there to watch and support.  I have never liked hearing spectator’s remonstrations that criticized the other school’s team or, even worse, an individual player.  To point out someone else’s mistake or failure does not elevate the person or person’s cheering in this negative fashion but, instead, lowers them to a mob mentality focused, not on their team’s success but the other team’s failure. A great American once said that a person of honor never celebrates another’s failure but helps that person back up.  This is not to say there will not be winners and losers, rather, to frame your successful exultation around your success and not the other’s failure.  Rudyard Kipling wrote, “If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat both those impostors just the same”.

I was taught very early to hate the sin but love the sinner.  In my opinion, the funeral procession action put the focus on the person and not the misdeeds of the person upon whom the grievances are aimed.  Perhaps a funeral process for the ideas or policies of the person would be less personal but I would even caution against that as well.  Make the focal point of your protest being the positive ideas with which you wish to replace the grievous actions perpetrated upon your people.  Perhaps, an action involving a stork and flowers announcing the birth of a new world of democratic freedom would have a positive impact on the crowds.  

Besides the personal energy that you are expending through negative thought fuel was supplied to the opposition of your cause.  I saw the media coverage of the events and they focused on the destructive acts of a few people instead of focusing on the hundreds of thousands acting responsibly and peacefully.  If one heart was turned against you by this coverage it is one too many.  A peaceful protest needs to gather the hearts and soul of all the people to be successful.  Never give fuel to the enemy’s fire.

Forceful love and staying positive is arduous work.  You might ask if I have ever wanted to scream in such a situation. I will return to sports for a moment.  A young Black man who is like a son to me was on the free throw line in a high school basketball game.  I heard a chant begin from the students on the other side of the gym. “Nigger can’t shoot”. I saw tears in Kelsey’s eyes.  I wanted to go over there and shut those kids up but I kept my peace and prayed that he would sink his free throws.  We lost the basketball game that night but I took him to dinner and told him how proud I was of him to not shout back at those boys and how much I loved him for his courage.  That was our win that night.

So in closing on part one of these thoughts, I ask you to remember how far away you can see a single candle shining brightly on the darkest night.  Be the candle.

The second part of our conversation involved the offer of male help in the struggle for women’s equal rights.  Equal rights for one is equal rights for all. Please realize the load is made easier with more hands involved.

In the hot summer of 1967, Dr. King was approached by some of the leaders of SNCC (Students Non-Violent Coordinating Committee) about disallowing the participation of whites in the marches that were planned because of the terrible actions of predominantly white police forces perpetrated upon the Blacks protesting for civil rights.  Dr. King reminded them that white people had walked beside them for years.  He reminded them that young white men hade been murdered in Mississippi because they were registering Blacks to vote.  Most stirring of all were his comments regarding poor white people.  Dr. King pointed out that there were poor white people being discriminated against and underpaid like the Blacks.  Their white governmental officials were saying to them was at least you are not Black.  Dr. King said that the Civil Rights movement needed to enlist those poor whites to march along side them to elevate everyone economically.  Their living conditions were not only racial but economic and imagine the power of an army of poor people descending on Washington D.C. The others agreed and the Poor Peoples March saw more than a million poor people of every color meet at the Washington Monument that summer. 

So, Diana, I believe very strongly that the struggle for women’s equal rights can be aided by men standing by their side and insisting that their brothers acknowledge that the egregious behaviors towards women such as the pay disparity called the glass ceiling must come to an end. Men hearing from other men that what they have done towards women with or without conscious behavior must end will hold power.

I do agree with you that a man should not call himself a feminist. This title should belong to the women because the most supportive of men cannot fully understand what it means to be a woman because he is not one.  Just as a white man working to gain civil rights for people of color will never fully understand the issues by persons of color.  At the end of the day, a white man is privileged to walk where he wants without fear of retribution.  But, I ask you please, to accept the dedication to and willingness to sacrifice for women’s equality.

Steve Biko, the great Anti-Apartheid leader, wrote that the Black Consciousness Movement in South Africa first and eventually the world must be lead by Black people because whites could not fully comprehend the centuries of degradation and its impacts on the Black soul.  If white men try to take the lead, it would look like the Blacks were being given their rights rather than earning them.  More pride is taken in what is earned than what is given.  White people stood proudly and died ending the practice of apartheid but the leadership was South African Blacks.

The same thoughts apply to the women’s movement.  Women understand the effects of the oppressive behavior of men towards them for years, centuries even.  The role modeling of empowered women standing tall and proudly will encourage the women who are reluctant or afraid to stand for themselves. I only ask that you please accept men’s hands to work, their legs to march, their voices to speak out  and accept the love from their hearts for your cause.

In closing Diana, please accept my inestimable respect for your courage, strength, and intelligence.  Continue to grow in your beliefs. Remember what Steve Biko wrote, “ The greatest weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed”.